It is obvious that all of our childhood memories are not accidental… When you are a child ever scent, every sound, every move, every toy, the first day of school, the first kiss, the first step..Everything together makes what is the personality of a man. All these are pieces of one whole entity. I was sitting and thinking –which of the memories I have is the brightest and most emotional for me….Is it the day when I stayed home alone for the first time? Is it the day when I was so disappointed with the Christmas gift I got? Or maybe when I broke grandma’s favorite vase and put it back together with glue? I was thinking about good memories and bad memories…moments of tears and moments of innocent joy. From one memory to another my heart started to feel strange and I felt really strange – like I was in a completely another dimension which exists only in my head. And then..BANG! I got it so clear that I started shivering…

I was about 6 years. My mom’s best friend left to another town and asked my mom to stay at her place with me for two days in order to look after her two sons. One was a little older then I was, and the second boy appeared to be super grown-up for he was already fourteen. I always enjoyed staying at their place – a lot of toys, a lot of space, video games – everything a child needs to free the most sincere smile. I remember the second day we were supposed to have the com-back party for my mom’s friend at here place…I wike up..Mom went to work and reminded me to be nice and clean by the time she will come back with the guests. I stayed with Tony, the older of the boys and suddenly somebody called him and though he was not permitted to leave me alone – he left. He said he will not be long….but it took him forever…I realized that I am alone… I cannot come out of the house…so I opened the window   and thought that I was joking. And I was so desperate…so lonely...so betrayed… at that moment I pulled the curtain so strongly that I fell on the floor..And there I was standing – one little criminal...Desperate to escape and knowing that I will be punished for destroying the curtain that was not even ours….

But then something changed…I stopped wining…looked around and realized that I am in a safe place… that mom will come back and kiss me no matter what I have done. This was a moment of pure happiness…not the happiness of getting a new toy…or a dog..a going to the party of your best friend..It was the moment of clarity for me...the first time in my life when I realized that I am happy to have my mom and that I am safe. My eyes saw the world in different shades that moment. And by the way – I was not punished for the curtain… I felt asleep on my mom’s knees.